So I've been a bit MIA. I've had a rough couple of days, and today just topped it all. So much so, that I skipped class tonight and just came straight home from my internship. I got so frustrated that I ended up shedding some tears (not there, but during the venting sessions I had after). I started typing about it, but I realize there is no short way to do it... Another reason why I should have probably utterz this... Speaking is so much faster than typing.
I will say that I have missed you all so intensely... My schedule is sooo jam packed and when I come home, I just collapse... I don't turn on the television, I don't really talk on the phone.. I mean, my day is filled with so much sensory input (tantruming autistic children, circle time, singing and dancing, running around, therapizing...sigh) that I don't even turn on the radio when I drive home. I just take in the silence and figure out how I'm gonna do it all again the next day... and to top it off, two out of the four days that I'm there, I have class following until 10pm; which means, I don't get home til around 11pm and I have to get up at 6am to start the day over again with the kids...Can I really do this for the next 8wks? {stressed/depressed tears, wiping them away, deep breath} Yes, I can do this.
I've also been a bit low these last few weeks as well... There is so much shyt going down in my family and the addition of my internship and school (didn't do so hot on my first exam) is not helping get me out of this feeling of not wanting to wake up in the morning. I know that I should be thanking God that He has blessed me with another day to do whatever I did yesterday better... but I feel like one of the kids and all I want to do is tantrum right now because I am not happy... Maybe I need to go drinking...lol
Wish me luck. The Praxis is this Saturday... 600+ here I come...*going to make my blog rounds before bed*
25 comments:
awe... It's all going to get better, Des... IDK how you can/will get used to that schedule, but It's all going to work out for you in the end... just stay strong and it's all going to fall in place... hope you feel better soon
Will a hug help? Two? I can do up to three and not have to change the name of your blog...
You will adjust. And you will do just fine.
Good luck sis on the praxis. I have a feeling that you'll do just fine.
good luck on the praxis on saturday. i know that test is nothing to play with, but i have faith you will do well.
& hopefully in time you will experience the relief you need from this stressful time, but until that time i hope you can still muster the strength to persevere.
awww... but you're doing what you love, right? i know it's still a lot but here's a blog hug for you anyway. YOU CAN DO IT! 8 weeks will fly by!
Hunny Bee,
You will be just fine. Though you may not be able to physically reach out and touch us, just know that you have a group of people that support, admire, and are rooting for you all the way. I leave you with this sweet, soft, simple poem by Robert Frost that helped me quite a bit.
Fireflies in the Garden
Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,
And here on earth come emulating flies,
That though they never equal stars in size,
(And they were never really stars at heart)
Achieve at times a very star-like start.
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part.
Interpret however you see fit. You ARE a star, babes.
**Kisses**
You must have fell asleep before you got to RBW but its alright I understand. Your presence was missed though!
...awwww lovey...things will get better...good thing about life is its inability to stay permanent...pray for strength and courage and see it through mama...don't you dare drink either...i'm sure you know the bad patterns/habits that can develop from that!!...
wow
i'm such a lazy bastard lol
you need some sex lol
if somebody pops that cherry you'll go in there taking the praxis and youll get 2 times what the highest score is lol
i probably shouldn't be telling you this lol
but i know you are responsible
i feel you des and i surz do underrstand
there have been many a days where i had to work day and night (not right now because you know what i'm doing lol shhhhh)
it's hard
what can i say
i just want you to know that we are here for you no matter what
and if somebody is messing with you i'll be on the first thing smoking to florida to get business done
aww..hon you are stressed..this two shalll pass..maybe down the line you willl get used to your schedule, it wont be that bad..i hope
prayers, hugs, and love Desy
i mean it.
tears dont equal weakness.
so get 'em out of your system if u need to.
u can make it thru these 8 weeks, babe.
this and beyond.
-1-
awwww, i remember those internship days...
girl, when you're going thru hell, KEEP GOING! as cliche as it sounds, trouble don't last always :-) stay pos and focused and it will fly by. most importantly, pray everyday.
Des just remember to smile and always write something good that happend to you each day it makes it better or the things God has blessed you with!
How did it go? You feel good about your performance? Yep, i know I'm late.
aww I know the feeling:-( I hope things get better for you desy but I know they will:-)
I hope you did well on your Praxis!
good luck, desy.
i'm sure you will be fine. you got it like that.
Things will turn for the best...we all go through these rough spots in life. Its just apart of the process called life.
Hopefully, by the time you read this things are looking up for you.
Your schedule definitely sounds exhausting.
As they say...the ends justifies the means.
Chin up.
biotch! where the eff are you?!
-KB
I am sure by now you have aced the praxis and are in position to make them dollahs! Take that deep breath girl, its alright
Dang, you are seriously goint to stress out, my sister. That is not cool. You better listen to some music. You'll be surprised how relaxing it can be.
I hate the fact that you have to collaspe and figue out how you are going to have to make it through another day. Wow, that is never good.
I say we legalize beating kids in a therapuetic and educational setting. That'll keep em quiet. Lol, kidding kinda. I think you did fine on the Praxis for what it's worth.
Sweets, u'll be fine in no time and u'll be back to the lovely, sensual Desy we know and love in no time okay babes?
take care of u
I hope everything's okay with ya...You need to take a much needed vacay
@can- I am doing my best to stay strong… and I feel as though this conditioning will be good for me in the long run
@2nd 68- hahahahaha; you really know how to get the third ab throbbing budday…thanks for the 2hugs (not sure if I'm ready for a title change..lol)
@autumn-I STRONGLY hope I did.
@one soul- every day, I am finding it. How good HE is; when you think you can no longer go on, HE carries you through…and it is HIS strength that flows through me now.
@jam- absolutely…but I hope not to hate it by the end (since this is a little more intense than is typical for this profession). I appreciate it… the hug is MUCH needed
@queen- that definitely gave me joy woman… you know the perfect thing to through out… what would I do without your presence in my fam…
@eb- I don't comment on your pg anymore cause I always feel as though I have nothing to contribute… most people say what I think, so I just read and keep it movin
@niga- hahaha, I didn't drink that night, but I did the next. Only one though and it was with dinner so I felt it was ok… no alcoholism here… just fun times with friends to ease the stress
@james- you are too much for words. You went the extra mile to make me feel better and I really really REALLY appreciated it. Thank you sweet
@zephi- yes… I know it… and it will be in approximately 7wks..lol
@ican't- thank you baby; I definitely felt the prayers uplifting me
@stace- I heard that before, but if this wasn't an appropriate time to say, I don't know what is… and I was all about conversing with God cause I needed HIS voice in my head to make it thru
@hada- I write about ALL things that I go through cause I know the challenges are best kinds of blessings… with no test, there is no testimony
@rashan- you? Late? Never…lol… we'll see how I did in about 3wks
@1/3- thank you
@don- thanks
@dessex- I heard that
@diva- so they say… I hope it is… (it's up, it's up…lol)
@KB- WORKING… where you be?
@soum- I have absolutely no idea… and the breath has been taken
@one- no, but without exhaustion, I wouldn't appreciate my lazy days as much.. .so it's ok
@rox- it's worth a lot, thank you
@smar- hahaha… definitely already there… your words care for me and get me back on it… thanks
@charles- eventually I will… but not today
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