Hey...

I have two weeks of school left, but this is my last week of therapy/classes/working. I have a mountains worth of reports to complete, but no finals so that's awesome. Today (Sunday), I finally completed my 20pg research paper (my longest paper), that I put together using papers that I did in the past as well as from other research articles (all sited of course). I don't even know why I put any effort into it at all. I mean, it's not like the professor is gonna read it... He's one of those teachers that sits at his desk and counts the pages rather than actually reading the content. As long as you turn something in that is between 10-20pgs with about 7-20 sources, your all good. I mean, I have done so much blogging in that class, it's ridiculous…

What does it say about me that I have to ask all my female friends to do something. I know that I kind of create these lackadaisical natures within them because I am so aggressive, but after a while, I become just as lethargic about calling and making plans…and what ends up happening? Nothing. No one calls. No one asks. We don't hang out. And it's not like for one week… it can go for months. How am I not missed within that time? Some are in school and see me in the clinic from time to time, but that's not the same as hanging out or talking on the phone, or going out and having a great time. Sigh… Will I change my aggressive ways tho…? Probably not, most likely because I fear that if I do change, these women will disappear from my life and all the investments I've made will be all for naught. If I was talkin to a psychologist, I can almost hear her/him asking me if I feel this has something to do with my mother…..YES, Damn it!... *quietly* I guess it does.

Time for some 'singles ad' exposure. Things that make me the woman I am:

~I talk incessantly… but I listen just as intensely (just don't expect me to remember anything... my mind is bad...lol)

~It's amazing how I can turn a regular statement into a sexual innuendo… I hear that is due to my virginal state

~I have high expectations for myself and others

~I hate to be bored and require laughter

~I have no problems admitting when I'm wrong and appreciate the experience of being proved as such… it promotes growth

~I am defensive about my family…(Rashan has felt this wrath…lol). And sometimes it happens obscurely and I don't even realize that I'm being that way. But I kno they aren't perfect and I complain about them from time to time… just…ummm… don't you do it…lol (and no, not you Rashan… you've already learned this lesson…lol)

~I love the getting to know you process… and I want to be involved in it for hours upon hours that stretch across days for years with someone who wrinkles my brain, works my abs, and pleases my eyes

~I go to clubs to dance. I could honestly be in there alone (and have been pretty damn close) and not give a damn. As long as the music is good, I am on the floor. And I do it well, if I do say so myself...which leads me to

~I realize I am good at many things… I sing (very well), dance (very well), write (very well), provide therapy (very well).. But there is nothing that I am AMAZING at. I mean, purely amazing, where people sit in ahhh at its creation. I wonder if I'll ever do that in my lifetime. And do you know where I wanna do it if I do? In the area of motherhood….

I'm done… what are things that make you who you are?