If I weren't a virgin

Disclaimer: This has sexually explicit language, so please bypass if you aint down for the sexy talk...

If I weren't a virgin...I'd be a freak. And not an every day round the way kind of freak... but an out my mind, common sense declined kind of freak. One that has no time to tell you all the ways I'd sex you, because as that thought came to mind, I'd be showin you from dusk until lights out time. But I wouldn't rest at the turning of the lights, cause in my eyes, the mood would be just right. Right for what? For a late night fuck, when I would deeply suck and cause you to erupt all the while thinking of Bernie Mac goin 'BUSS A NUT!'.

If I weren't a virgin...I'd be a slave. Yes a slave, like back in the day when all I knew to say was 'yes mas'sah, I like it that way.' You'd be in control of my mental state and soul, as you drilled a perfect hole into my formerly known as virginal console. I'd give in to your commands, as if I were your favorite show 'On Demand', sinking into your will like quick sand, knowing that it would be so good, I wouldn't give a damn.

If I weren't a virgin... I'd be an addict. I'd be one so good, my picture would represent addict, because I'd need a hit, of that indescribable fix of sex in the elevator, restaurant, or attic. I'd be feenin for that kiss, of those lips on my clit, jonesin for your sex bone in my 'feel so good zone', cravin for savin from dickless days, and needing for teasing with sex toy pleasing. You would be that shit that would take me so high, have me like Joh.n Leg.end 'on cloud 9', confused as hell as to why oH why I didn't start takin hits back in '05. (turned 21...lol)

If I weren't a virgin... I'd be a genius. I'd know all the ways, of making him cum for days, with all kinds of tongue play, be it actual application or just from what I say. I would anticipate his every want, adjust my style like word font, knowing just what and when to flaunt, so the image of me would haunt; he'd almost think of me as a sex savant. I'd know it all, from how he likes it and for how long, to how he needs it from dusk til dawn. He'd be the subject that I had majored in; I'd know it so well, I'd have my thesis written... Titled 'Sex with Him'.

But I am...so I'm not....

Slow Dancing

So I uttered this post... for those of you who cannot utter at work.. here are the words, and you can listen to it later (if you are still curious...lol)... Happy Belated Memorial Day!!

He walks up behind me and I feel the thumping of his hearts language against my spine. I lean my head back and revel in the feel of this man. I can feel his nerves through the endings of his fingers as he places either hand on my shoulders so lightly, I almost question their existence on my skin. He bows his head and takes in my scent from the base of my neck as it curves into my shoulder, allowing the essence of that space of me to feel his vital organ. He then begins kneading his knuckles into my tense muscles and I begin to relax. His lips touch the line where my third vertebrae meets the fourth and I feel the tingle spread from there to my extremities. I love his kiss. 'Untitled' begins to play in the backdrop and I feel the stretch of his mouth into that sexy smile that I have not been able to resist since the day I met him. He slips one hand gingerly into my pocket and holds me close to him as he begins to sway to the beat. After a bit, he pulls on my pocket and has me turn to face him. He takes his right hand and holds my left hand off to one side as his left hand finds a home in the delicate angles of my lower back. I rest my right hand on his shoulder as he glides my body in a harmonized duet with his in a sensuous grind. Hit….sway…hit…sway…hit…sway… I can feel the heat of his soul seeping from his pours and my body begins to burn…hit… His hand travels the length of my lower back and upper ass…sway…And as he pulls me closer, I lose the understanding of time and space…hit… His gaze imprisons mine in a secret passageway that sends messages of hunger and need…sway…My right hand travels up to his face as he brings it closer to me…hit…The contact of his lips on mine…sway…I am lost.

Damn how I love slow dancing with this man.

Some late night self analysis

I wrote this at like 2am this morning... but didn't post it until I re-read it and made sure I wrote what I was thinking accurately... cause a late mind is an altered mind...lol

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be ‘that’ girl. You know the one: perfect personality, smile, and parents to boot with all the confidence in the world. The one that has every man wrapped around her pretty little manicured finger while making sure that ‘beck and call’ was synonymous with ‘interacting with the opposite sex’. I have never been that. I’m battered, bruised… and quite different. I mean, absurdly different. I get emotional for no reason, and get heart sick over the silliest things and want to be alone while still wanting someone around and having a love/hate with my fam and school and praying for a plumber because my water still isn’t fixed!!!! And I’m compulsive. In the sense that I am a lover of routine, and when I fall into one, I can’t break it and hate the process of doing so. That’s part of the reason why I get nervous dealing with a new person that I like. See, with someone that I like, I do this thing. This thing is something that I have developed in my older years and have yet to break. See, this thing is me, calling every day, or wanting to be called every day, and talking endlessly, and seeing one another as frequently as humanly possible, and do all that I can do to get to know you in the shortest span of time possible. It’s never really a successful measure in all honesty, but I try to do it regardless. I engorge myself on who you are and feast upon it for endless hours, examing every angle so that I can have your image tattooed in my mind’s eye without question. And if you change, I get scared. Ridiculously scared…; because I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be ok with letting a day or two go bye…without a word. But I’m not… Instead, I sit and wonder if you feel what I feel...you know, that absurd 'miss' feeling that shouldn't be there; or understand what I’m going through because I shouldn't feel that 'miss' feeling; or are you even thinking about it on any kind of level. And I usually subside to the knowledge that it is probably just me, and that’s why I should just forget about being ‘that’ girl. People rarely, if ever, jump out of their skin for me. What does that mean, you may wonder… It’s the process by which a person completely moves outside of themselves… outside of the safe zone and leap into the unknown… regardless of if their knowledge on whether or not there is sure footing there is sound… but just because the possibility of it is so penetrable, that it has moved the mind into a state of perpetual forward projection and has forced a new state of being to evolve. That wrecklessly in love individual.

Is it a downfall that I have never been hurt? I think it is some…lemme rephrase that…. I think it is MOST days. Why? Well because I can’t relate. I don’t know how to be any different from the girl who stares at me every morning. She is open and blunt and giving and aggressive and what’s everything when she wants it… which is usually right at that second… because in truth… her state of infatuation and lust may fade away if not nourished by a true connection. I mean… it only takes a day of distance… Because she runs. She runs like there is no tomorrow and cops are on her ass for the one million kilos of (illegal substance here) found… all because she feels unwanted and doesn’t want to stick around to find out. That’s all it is… that not so subtle manner that I have when I resist it all… It’s just me leaving before being told I’m unwanted. It’s the saddest thing sometimes… analyzing myself and seeing such antics. And I can’t stop either. I’ve tried… but my heart will shut down so fast… and my interest will fade just as quickly, if not more so, all because I’m trying to protect my corazon. Such a fragile and delicate thing, a woman’s heart… and mine is pretty beat up from life situations working out in ways that kinda roughed me up a little in the mental without a soft gentle motherly tone that tells me that I'm loved regardless…

Bowling...Picture Post

There are days when I really really really love my friends. They give me joy and happiness in ways that are undescribable. One particular time that comes to mind is the day that I invited a few of my friends bowling. Not everyone knew each other, but that didn't really matter much. It was during this night of bowling that I found out that I truly suck...hahaha... but I can bowl both handed... In fact, when one had grew tired (aka, I was in full gutter streak), I'd switch hands and like magic, I would hit some balls... The leader of the pack was my friend 'Man'... You would think he was professional with it (seen in the top left pic holding the bowling ball over his shoulder)... I mean, dang Man... I didn't bring you out so you could completely kill it... but he did... That was alright though. I got him back during air hockey. Roxy killed it also on the alley. And it was as though she was unimpressed with herself, even though she said she sucked at bowling.... But her boyfriend Chris caught a moment when she actually did celebrate her success at striking out (seen in the top right pic).

I have no idea what was going on here, but I think someone had just bowled and I was laughing at something the photographer (Chris) said. He was just clicker happy, but in retrospect, I'm glad to have the memories...of every.last.moment... If only Roxy had shared the photos instead of keeping them hidden in the millions of photos that she has on her computer...lol...

After bowling... it was time to arcade. Air hockey, the basketball speed game, and race cars.... Nothing gets better than that. Of course, me being me, I had to be part of some random debate over light skin versus dark skin, men versus women, and a discussion about why I'm the new age Cl.aire Hu.xtable~ hence my reason for being single. Men are supposedly 'intimidated'.... Sorry, these aren't as clear, but I still like them.

Maybe he may have a point....lol... I was talking to Chris' friend... His opposing view was blown to bits by my meticulous mental processing.... Did I mention I met him probably within 5 minutes of this pic....lol...

But there comes a point when I just get tired of talking/discussing/analyzing/getting to know you... Besides, I wanted to know what she was staring it like that....lol...

And then I discovered what the facial expression was all about.... What is an outing with friends without a fight, a make up, a willie bounce, and then a discussion of what just happened...lol

And of course, the finally of the evening... His shirt and face say it all....lol

A blog dialogue- The Reception...finale

Jersey, the stripper, fully tousled, wiping either side of her mouth, holding on to the tie of the one who followed... Rashan, who had a Kool Aid grin on his face zipping up his trousers. I couldn't help but burst out into a deep laughter at the expression that Cannon had on his face, pointing it out to Diva and 1/3 who began giggling as well. Cannon, looking over into our direction, saw our laughter and swiftly got up from his table and stormed out mumbling something along the likes of fuck [word] [word] [word] shit [word] [word] fuck [word] [word] [word] [word] FUCK!!!!

'Did that really just happen? A bootleg foursome?' Deja shakes her head and starts digging into her plate as I look over at Rashan whose gaze meets mine. He shrugs and looks away, gaze falling on the stripper as she licked her lips and smiled back.

The first dance begins to play and the crowd fell silent at the view of KB and -1- wrapped in each others arms whispering loving words to each other while intermittently looking into each others eyes.

'There is something to be said about real love,' 1/3 leans over and whispers to me. I nod in agreement.

'Yeh… and you know what I've come to find out… There aren't enough words out there, so maybe we shouldn't even bother.' I smile and she giggles and shrugs, showing her approval of my statement.

'Com'mon everybody! Let's get on the dance floor!' -1- shouts out at the conclusion of their first dance.

The music pumps and I can't help chair dancing and I look over to find Stace doing the same thing. I get up, rush over to her, and pull her out of her chair onto the dance floor. I kick my shoes off and dance as freely as possible, in respects to my very high slit that I didn't want exposing more than just my legs. The other bridesmaids are soon to follow, and a few of the other female guests.

'Ummmm, this is not a slumber party on display. You guys better get your asses out here'

Deja said looking directly at the groomsmen standing on the side of the stage, drinking and watching. When none budged, I, Diva, 1/3, and Deja walked over and pulled Don, One Man, Dessex, and Rashan onto the dance floor. Diva kept messing with Rashan since he wasn't really dancing, just kinda moving in a slight swaying action. 1/3 then took it upon herself to get the rest of the guests on the dance floor. Queen and Jinto were m.i.a, so I assumed Jintu decided that nibbling didn't fulfill him any longer, and wanted to have a full meal. Dessex smiled at the sight of his girlfriend stepping on the floor. Swag actually stepped on as well, and I went over to him and started whinin it up, hearing that deep throaty laugh in response.

'I didn't expect that from a virgin'

'Ahhh, well, there is a lot of things I do that aren't classified as 'virginal behavior' I said with a wicked smile

'Oh really,' the inquisitive tone his baritone voice took suggested he wanted elaboration. Instead, I just continued dancing.

KB nudged me to get my attention and directed my line of vision over to 1980 who was dancing with Roxy as Britt stayed sitting, her desire to leave deepening.

Hadassah was completely putting me to shame on the dance floor, looking like she had been doing it for years, grabbing the attention of some of guests that stood around her. Cannon moves into her space and starts to work out his moves, doing his best to impress her, oblivious to the fact that she was newly locked up with a beau and had no room for the one formerly known as adonis.

Deja and One Man shock the hell outta me because as I head back to the bar to get another drink, I see them there. One Man in full deep throat pursuit, hands roaming across Deja's classically curvaceous anatomy, pressing her up against the wall.

'They must be drunk' Lea slurs at me and I crack up

'Umhmmmm seems to be a theme here'

I see Soum sitting at his table, staring at KB and -1-

'Your face is saying a lot there Soum'

He sighs deeply and looks at me with soft brown eyes that express so much sadness, I couldn't really take meeting them.

'I just want to be endlessly happy, you know?... Have that woman that dresses better than me, sexes better than me, and most of all, loves me better than me. I thought that I had found it….' looking down at his hands, 'I mean, I really really did. But I guess not…' His voice trails off softly and I lean down to give him a forehead kiss and the drink that I had taken a small sip from. He downs it in one breath and looks up at me.

'Merci cherie…. Tu es très belle ce soir.'

I smile at the compliment.

'Well, everyone tries to be beautiful at weddings… and I'm just trying to keep up.'

'Don't do that.'

'Wha?

'Down play your beauty. You are beautiful…now go out there and put the hurtin back on Swag… ' I shake my head chuckling softly and get up from his table as Eb makes her way back to her seat next to him.

As the night wore on, more hook ups occurred. Diva later noted Jameil standing there with some unidentified guest, who seemed to have engaged every element of her mental, making her laugh from deep down after pushing her around the dance floor with ease earlier in the evening.

'Who is that?' Diva asks Stace

'Don't kno…' Stace responds shrugging and Diva goes back to her post dancing warm down.

Cannon had shifted from Hadassah, who made it abundantly clear that she was with someone, to Stace, who was just entertaining him in that grown woman way that made us bridesmaids giggle.

At this time, the brides decided it was time to go, and live out that first night while they still had energy. Everyone cheered and showered KB and -1- well wishes and sexual commentary as they walked out.

Diva decided to leave at this point, getting buzzed by her 'friend' who told her he was eager to see her in and out of her wedding attire.

Hadassah and Niga, Don, Dessex and his girlfriend are soon to follow.

1/3 and Charles were dancing slowing on the dance floor melting in their own world.

Near the bar, Lea was sitting on the floor as Sojourn did everything in his power to wake her, since it appeared she'd passed out at some point. Eventually, he carried her out, getting a hotel room for them for the night.

Eb and Soum left together… Eb had already changed out of her wedding dress, excited at the possibility of repairing their relationship on the honeymoon they were still planning to take. I give Soum a deep hug and pull back and search his eyes.

'If nothing else Soum, know that you are loved by me…beaucoup. Enjoy your time with her… It will show you something about your heart…and hers.' I gently touch his face and he closes his eyes against the tears and nods.

'Thank you again cherie.'

Rashan and Jersey leave together, although I see him checking his phone steadily as the night ends… He waves to me and Stace just before the door closes.

Cannon leaves…alone… as he makes plans to get online for some facebook mackin.

One Man and Deja had disappeared sometime throughout the night, assumption made: they finally sealed the deal, and One Man's right hand action was laid to rest.

Jameil and the mystery man were still standing outside on the deck, underneath the stars and moonlight, talking and laughing nonstop.

Stace, sitting next to me, leans and says

'I think my night is a wrap. My boyfriend is meeting me in a hotel room here, and I don't want to be completely exhausted when he gets here.' a suggestive note taken in her voice.

I nod in understanding and give her a hug goodnight.

Roxy and 1980 were at the restaurant bar having a late night snack, looking as though they didn't want the night to end. I had noted the small argument that had occurred earlier between 80 and Britt, and she had finally stormed off without him, but I hadn't gotten a chance to truly be nosy and find out what happen….

Swag moves up behind me

'You ready to go baby?'

'Oh, I'm baby now?'

'Well, of course… it's a few drinks later.' I feel his laughter against my back and I shake my head.

'Was that an insult?' a joking defensive note evident in my voice

'Nooo…. And you know that I'm not being serious at all…' leaning over and kissing me lightly on my shoulder.

'Ok, we can go if you want… I'll even let you tuck me in…' I laugh lightly

'I guess I have to settle for that…until I give you a reason to change the theme of your blog'

'Riiiiiiiiiight'

We leave with only a few guest left in the ballroom. What a night this was… But…we see a crowd outside, and people arguing and talking to policeman all over the place. As we get closer, we see Cannon handcuffed being placed in the backseat of a police car.

What a night….

A blog dialogue- The Reception

'It's love on a plate'

Jameil salivates over the mexican themed menu nodding her approval. Sitting next to her, Stace is engrossingly engaged in conversation with Roxy over the pro's and con's of the 'Glow in the Dark' tour, as Hadassah interjects every now and then with questions about the concert.

At the table sitting directly adjacent, Jintu sits nibbling on Queen's neck as she looks thru his phone and finds photos of Aijay, Aijay, and more Aijay. He pushes his phone away from her fingers and tries to get her to focus on what he was doing, but she couldn't help but be distracted at the thought that maybe the love of his car overshadowed his love for her. Niga, shaking her head at the blatant public display of affection, listens intensely as Zephi continues on discussing the current situations that have plagued her educational pursuits.

Across the room, Soum and Eb sit at the table that was previously assigned to KB and -1- with Lea and Sojourn. It was at this point that Eb finally asked the question that people had been wondering…

'Ummm, Lea, what the hell IS it with you and Coro.na bottles. I mean, does it have this affect that I have missed out on?'

Lea smiles seductively, looking over at Sojourn who mouths the word no, and leans over to Eb…

'Let's just say that Coron.a's remind me of someone I truly appreciate.' and with that, Lea promptly got up from the table and went over to the open bar, where Rashan and I stood chatting.

'Hey, you haven't been around lately…What's up with that?'

'No, I have… I've just more limited in my commenting…but I'm still around.'

'Oh, ok. Bartender…can I have a sex on the beach please?'

I laugh as Rashan whispers a suggestive comment in my ear.

'Where is your daaate?' Diva breaks into Rashan's verbal teasing with a sing songy note when saying date.

'No comment.'

I laugh and walk away from them as Diva starts asking pointed questions about what ran thru Rashan's mind when he invited a STRIPPER to the wedding.

I sit down at the table near the dj that houses Swag, Charles, 1980, and Cannon… none of which were assigned to this table. I walked in just as Swag tried to convince the rest of the men that Te.edra is the most beautiful R&B artist, while Charles rolls his eyes and 80 nods his head in slight agreement, but not complete.

'Where is your lady friend Cann?'

'Yo! Shorty is fronting. I know she wants to fuck, but she just actin sooo nutty! like, WTF?!?!? Grow up and spread your legs, please.'

Swag, Charles, and 1980 stop in mid sentence and just look at Cannon. I shake my head and get up to leave and as I walk away I hear Charles mumble to Swag...

'I can't believe he actually just said that.'

It is announced the brides are about to make their entrance, so everyone takes a seat in their designated tables. I look over at 1/3 and smile a knowing smile as KB and -1- walk into the room. Don stands clapping and cheering, and Dessex whistles from his seat. One Man and Rashan pound on the table like concert fans. Walking hand in hand, KB still manages to pause and complete a booty tooch for the cameraman. Eb folds her arms, pouting a bit, wanting to feel that kind of joy. Soum distractingly looks around the room, not really being to attentive to his 'almost bride'. His eyes linger a bit on Deja, gliding over her curvaceous figure that was adorned by single strapped lavender corset top dress that had a straight line skirt that flowed below. His mental started doing somersaults of new dining possibilities, but was brought back to his current situation when Eb gently linked her fingers thru his. He turned, making eye contact, and smiled gently, not letting it completely reach his eyes. And she knew....

As dinner began, there was a tremendous crash in the back of the room. Everyone looked at each other and tried to identify the noise. From behind the shrubbery strategically placed in the back of the room, Lea walks out with hair disheveled, dress askew, and makeup completely destroyed. Soon to follow....Sojourn.... and.....

5 sec post

So yes, I've got nothin this Monday.

I just got back from work. Do you know they monitored my internet use and restricted blogspot.com links...smh... so no blogging at work. *shrugs*- oh well. I only work when needed and I'm usually too busy to do any proper blogging, so I guess it doesn't COMPLETELY matter... but when I'm bored... which was today.... MAN was I hurtin....

Blog and real world lines are being crossed... does that mean blog life will become a censored version of my already ambiguous nature...nahhhhhh...haha.... but I definately maintain the respect of the bloggers I kno offline and keep their disclosures to me offline... cause if they really wanted to talk about it, it would be revealed... but I definately feel honored to have those of you who do open up to me and have blurred those lines.. maybe a cruise can be arranged...hmmm... I have been called the planning queen by my friends...

Classes start tomorrow... Tues/Thurs nights from 6p-10p...sigh... externship starts Wed and goes Weds, Thurs, and Fri's.... Not that bad when I really think about it... That means I get Fri @ whatever time we finish thru Tues at 5pm to be home/party/study/blog/sleep/flirt/movie hop/eat oreo's/and commence the next dialogue installment....

I just signed up for the organizational exam that I need to pass to receive my Masters degree... I have to get a 600 out of a 1000... Most people pass, but you've gotta study...sigh.... I haven't learned how to really do that in all my years of education... My sis in law already took it and told me she ran out of time on the last 30 and answered C all the way down to beat the buzzer... she passed.... Knowing this will make me feel doubly stupid if I don't pass...smh... One month and counting until I have to take it...

I'm out... Happy Monday all!!

Cruisin

Alright, so I have been jonesin to go on another cruise since everyone in the blog world is talkin about vacationing . I went on one almost two years ago to the West Caribbean and it was one of the best times that I have had in my life. It was actually my first trip without my parents or without a teacher for supervision. My friend Chinyere (pronounced shin-er-ee) convinced me to go with her... It didn't really take much convincing... But now I want to go on one, and I may have some challenges finding a companion... Any volunteers??...lol... On this trip, I did a few things I had never done before, such as ride horseback... IN THE OCEAN... and let me just say, I was scared OUT OF MY MIND. Not because I this was my first time on horseback and they wanted to take us out into the ocean to do it, but because I was surrounding by several other horses and my horse wanted to compete. She kept galloping thru the water because she wanted to be the FIRST. I can't knock her for her competitive spirit, but you are NOT in a derby and I am NOT tryin to race here... It was so hilarious, me bouncing away on her, laughing and screaming, praying that I didn't fall into the water that was slowly being contaminated by horse shit..(i guess it feels better to poop in the ocean *shrugs*).

I got to dance the night away without worryin about my dad worryin about me (i hate knowin that he's up waitin for me to come home... always dampens my good time cause i don't like stressin him out, and he hates when i go out super late... so i usually get home around 2am... which i don't mind, cause honestly, i am done by that time anyway)...I watched the sun come up on the balcony almost every morning eating ice cream after dancing all night (honestly, i think cruise ice cream is laced with meth or somethin... my ass was ADDICTED to it by day 1...).

My talkin to stranger skills were also activated, constantly interacting with folk I didn't know. In fact, I actually kept in touch with a few for a few months following the cruise, but it died down. I have not seen so many happy friendly people in one place in my whole life. My skin tone definately went from a nice medium toasted carmel, to a warm brown... and when I came back, my dad smiled from ear to ear cause he was like 'we match!' since I'm so much lighter than him...lol. Honestly, four days and three nights of no responsibilies, no cleaning, no family, no anything but spending money (that I had at the time... man I miss those days...lol), is soooooo awesome, and I'm ready to revisit that feeling. Maybe I can talk my parents into goin once I graduate... *shrugs*, they probably won't tho...lol... Oh well, I'm sure I'll find someone by then (December 2008 cannot come soon enough)... Pics of the cruise:

So, this was the first full day of cruisin... I woke up that morning, went to the gym and ran to the sound of whatever was poppin at that time as I power walked my ass off... (running hurts my knees...)...Walked 2 miles in 27 min... I know, I'm bad ass with the power walkin...lol.. Then went to the deck with Chin (pronounced shin) and watched the ice carving... I ended up dancing with this family that was gettin down to the live band... The grandpa and I were GETTIN it!...lol



This was the second day full day... walked on the beach on the private island that Carn.ival owns. I did get the opportunity to go into that SPECTACULAR water and it was sooooo nice. I mean, my entire body was in the water and I could still see my toes... there are NO beaches like that near Orlando... I gotta head down south for that ish... but even those waters don't compare to island water... Made me think of the beaches in Haiti... just as beautiful *sigh*

Here is a photo of me and my girl Chin on the horses (I don't remember the name of her horse, but mine was named Titi... the only reason why I remember her name is cause I joked about the ride in the ocean for the rest of the trip, reinacting the experience for the girls we met and chilled with on the boat.) I'm not gotta lie... my...ummm... personal space was a little disturbed by the experience, but an hour later I was straight.
The guide that we had LOVED my camera... He, in his lovely caribbean accent, was like 'Pu ya hand behind you and make sure to hold the reins lightly. Now smile... Yes just like dat.'... hahaha

This is me and one of the girls I chilled with on the boat. A bad ass white girl. She was sooo cool, had me crackin up the ENTIRE trip. She was one of the people I kept in touch with after I got off the boat, and we had lightly talked about goin on another cruise together since we had so much fun... but alas.. it never came to fruition... Oh well, I'll always have memories...This was post dinner nap prior to goin to the club. Those clubs were like those in Miami... nothin popped off until 2am. Me and Chin would nap after dinner and then get up around 1 to get ready for the club... and some nights, she would just stay asleep cause she would get up to study (yes people... she studied on vacation...smh... such determination... I guess that's how you gotta be to get thru med school)

The last day walkin around Nassau... I did not need a DROP of lotion to look moisturized. The heat was enough to keep me glistenin...

Sooo... who's comin withme on my next cruise?...lol...

Glowin Baby

Soooooo, the concert. Ok, the joy of commuting to another city for the sake of K.anye, L.upe, and N.ERD...(Ri.hanna was just a mild bonus)...lol... The day started out with me at work, blogging, and thinkin about the fact that my home girl Roxy was probably gonna be late..since that is her fate...lol. I get off of work and I rush home where I meet my homeboy Andy who gets ready downstairs while I shower and get dressed upstairs. Rox gets there around 5:30 (she wanted to leave around 4:30ish...smh... but I completely understand why... She left her gear at her house and had to go back all the way to her side of town...sucks). So we head to the concert. Two notable things happen on the way to the concert. 1: Roxy attracts the attention of this white trucker... He looked like he was around his mid to late 20s and he was STARIN at my girl Rox. She mentioned it to me, which of course led to me leaning forward to see who the guy was. I smiled and pointed at her, laughin my ass off cause he was nodding his head all about it. I sped up so that she didn't have to suffer too long, but at one point, he caught up with us and put his arm out the window to get our attention. And to FURTHER bring laughter from my abdomen, he added a backwards baseball hat to heighten his thug appeal...lol. It was hilarity. 2: A piece of my newly fixed car fell off... I heard a pop on the driver side, and sure enough, when I looked at my side view mirror, I saw the missing piece near my window (the framing came off.)... I just shook my head... There is ALWAYS something with me and cars... Oh well... It was a quick fix... Took her today actually, and now she's all better.... Here are some in the car driving there photos:



And yes, I already know that I look like a 12 yr old... but I am legal, I swear...lol
My girl Roxy, lookin OH so Fly... She had these dunks that left me in awe... Her style was too fresh for me that night...Thanx homie... Your excitement made this trip SO much fun!! My friend Andy. Lemme tell you- we took this kid shopping before going to the concert. He has worn the same all black or all white K-Swiss kicks for the last 2-3yrs. I mean, he's a lover of black and white and very rarely branches out. I think either me or Rox have helped him purchase all of his work attire because we didn't want him to pick out a plain white, plain blue, or plain black shirt... So for the concert, we took him shopping. Now I am a visual shopper... This means, I look, like, buy. Rox has a different philosophy... which I'm learning is the true womanly way... Going from shop to shop, comparing prices and tryin stuff on. I hate tryin stuff on. Mostly because if I can look at an item of clothing for someone else and it fit perfectly, I should be able to do that for myself... The only clothes I try are really questionable tops, or pants (cause I gotta bubble butt that is high enough to reach my upper back...lol)...am I digressing right now??... yeh, I'm digressing. So yeh... when the decision for his shoes were finally made, he and I walked off to Mac.y's while Rox went to find her fit. We walked in at 4:59pm and by 5:13 pm, I picked out a shirt that fit perfectly and matched the black, brown, and gold dunks that were purchased (they were soooo hot)... as well as jeans that were the correct measurements... I should be a personal shopper...lol



So we got to the concert... Rednecks were all along the path watchin scantily dressed white girls walk as the wind picked up their short skirts/dresses... and one had me dyin cause I asked him if he liked the view and he responded 'HELL YEEEAH! Everything I've ever wanted and more...'...lol. As we got closer to the ampitheatre, Andy somehow knew quite a few people... All female- go fig...lol... We found our seats and proceeded to jam out to N.erd who were already on stage. The people sitting behind us LOVED Andy and followed his dance moves the whole night... as he followed me, cause I am that amazing...lol... For our viewing pleasure?!?!? White drunk chicks sitting in the row in front of us. It was just the most pitiful thing. One was stumbling all over herself, while the other kept dropping her beer, pissing off the people around them. Noted: Black guy with his girlfriend starin at the white girl who was stumblin, blowin kisses and smilin as his lady stood in front of him watchin the concert...smh.... Guest appearance? Fake Rihanna that we made fun of cause she just dressed soo... yeh... In fact, Rox actually walked up to her and told her she looked like Ri Ri....hahaha. Anyone else to visit? Joh.n Le.gend (the real one)... Of course, we all looked at each other being anti fans (even tho me and Rox love legend) wonderin why the hell he had to walk through the crowd at intermission when all the lights were on, all in the middle so that EVERYone could see... Don't you get ENOUGH attention?!?! I mean really...hahaha... The couple in front of us, hilarious duo, turned and commented 'I wonder why they didn't do that for 'R.ihanna' referring to the fake one... too funny... Kan.ye did it SO big. I mean, he didn't wear anything that lit up... In fact, he stood with a t-shirt and some jeans with these bad azz shoes for the entire concert. No costume changes, just him up on stage, which was awesomely built. It kinda looked like he was standing on a laptop honestly... Lu.pe only came one stage for one song with Kan.ye and that was the span of his performance... Really disappointing cause I love me some Lup.e...sigh.... All in all tho, a great time...as we walked to the car, we recapped and cracked up over nothing and everything... cause that's how we talk...lol. Pics of in the car riding home:







At this point, I was DONE with the pigtails and pulled those right out... Hahaha... And yes, I'm texting and driving... I like putting passengers in danger...lol...

So ya'll... I hope you enjoyed my quick recap... and the car pics...lol. Of the whole night, this was my most favoritist song... that's right... I said it... favoritist...

A Prose...

Thank you to Charles... this picture was evoking, and caused my fingers to fly across keys... and she changes every time i see her... probably because i do...


He has captured the essence of me in the liquid sanctions of his pen, eloquently exposing my nature with each drop of thought on paper. I try to hide in the exposed pours of his canvas and deny the fact that I am seen... but his technique astounds me and before I realize it... I was written. The story of the stretch of my face and the fold of my arms are told and he, my artist, so gentle in his stoke continues the tale with diligence and quiet understanding. He immortalizes the bend of my back and encases the the swell of my breast playin on their antagonistic nature, pushing forward until climax.... a moment we have yet to reach.. He is enjoying the build up far too greatly and he is meticulous in his determination to make each curve count, pausing to review, and then continuing on his journey across my length being both author and editor. I feel his smile as his ink tickles my neck, taking particular care in its formulation, exercising all of his ability just to get it right. He hears my hum, the contact of he on me in that spot.... but he does not become distracted. Instead, he continues, gliding his ballpoint beneath my chin... my desire is to seek into him... and he knows this... but instead, my gaze is cast down, so that he, my artist, can hide...what a revelation. You see, as he takes his time unfolding me... he makes sure to maintain his anonymity... because he's unsure that if exposed like me, he will be appreciated.... so I am left bare, and he... cloaked behind the gauze of artist... known but never understood. But I still feel him... my artist... And as people stand and admire the story of his lines, people will infer of his mastery of me and how he was able to achieve such likeness... He will look upon me then, exposing his answer... oh my artist... how he loves me...

Digression: Went to the Kanye concert last night. I'm completely exhausted by it (hence this pre-written post)... but I gotchu on Thurs...lol... I'mma see if my home girl Roxy can upload the pics soon and send them my way so that I can put some on here... of course, they are of us in the car on the way there and back cause she was scared to get her camera taken away, but... I'm sure those will be ok too....lol... and i can tell you all of the antics and ridiculousness

Update: Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey are married?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I missed that?... wooooooooooooooooow

Possibilities

Initially, this post was suppose to be this self exposing free thought typing scenario that I was having late Saturday night, or early Sunday morning (however you wanna look at it)... but instead, I'm pulling back. Reason: Some of those thoughts and feelings don't need to come to surface. The potential for what they could be does not need to be aired. Honestly, that is so unlike me. I usually go with my gut and do or say what my heart tells me I should... which is usually 'putting it all out there'. But I can't. Because if I let it go, I don't know if I'll be able to control it. Right now it is being contained in the smallest of small compartments of my mental state, ever present, but none the less controlled. However like fire, a breath of oxygen can feed this seed of possibility and turn it into something without boundaries... and I don't want that. Not because of anything except... it shouldn't be. As much as I would move my world over for the possibility of greatness... I don't have the opportunity... and I'm not gonna make one because maybe it would adjust planets that are aligned along side mines and I would hate to crush or destroy anyone around me. So I'm gonna hold it in. This is just an acknowledgment that it is there... and that I need to make a conscious effort to keep a tight rein. Otherwise... who knows of the possibilities....

A blog dialogue- The Wedding...The Conclusion

'Soumy and Eb have decided that today is not the day for them.' Lookin at the alter James speaks directly to the man responsible, 'There are some complicated emotional elements that prevent these two from being able to truly commit to one another.' He places a hand on either side of him on the shoulders of Eb and Soumy, 'But, the love I see here is pretty profound and I do not doubt, with a little more talking, they can work things out and get it where it needs to be for a forever kinda union.'

'So wait…I dressed up, feelin all uncomfortable cause of my crimson, standing up here in this lavender concoction, and you're telling me that they aren't getting married?!?!' Deja folds her arms and speaks with irritation.

'Well, a wedding can still happen… I mean, we have an officiant,' glancing over at James, 'and we are all here. Is there anyone that feels ready?' Eb speaks looking around the church.

1980 looks down at Britt. He smiles, but she firmly shakes her head no. He laughs knowing that would have been the response.

Buttercup places her head on Char and whispers to him, 'If only things were different. I might actually…' but doesn't finish her thought out loud.

Queen leans forward and kisses Jintu slowly. 'I'm not ready… but I will be soon,' she adds following the sensuous kiss. He nods understanding, but his eyes express his disappointment.

Cannon, still engrossed by the flagrant self gratification that is takin place right before his eyes, whispers to Jersey, 'Will you marry me?' She smiles sexily, but whispers back, 'I think I have feelings for someone else doll… Maybe next lifetime?' as she glides a solitary finger across his jaw.

Rashan stares at their interaction, not very pleased, and leaves the alter to go sit next to Jameil and Stacie who have begun placing bets on who will wed.

I look behind me at 1/3 who is looking beautiful, and I can see her eyes bore into Charles with fear, confusion and excitement.

'You can upgrade from taking it slow to taking it all the way…' I chuckle lightly.

'I don't think he's ready,' she responds softly.

I raise an eyebrow and shift my body to get a full few of this exquisite woman who sounded slightly disappointed.

'Are you saying you are?' She looks at me quickly, then shifts her gaze to the ground just as quickly and shrugs.

I dip down a bit and interrupt her contact with the floor and make her eyes take me in. 'Hey… you feeling him that strongly, I think you should say something.'

'No. I can't. I'm not quite at the place u are, where I can just put it all out there. If he wants to, he can make it happen… otherwise, I'll wait until he is ready.' She smiles meekly and I place a gentle hand on her shoulder.

'That's bullshit, but I'll respect your stance on it, cause we operate differently; but truth? Everyone wants to hear they are cared for, or loved. That should never be something you wait patiently to hear because you are unsure if it's reciprocated… Just say it when you feel it because opportunities to do so are not infinite. But let me drop this…' She looks as though she is thinking over what I just said and her eyes return to Charles who is talkin to Swag about the Haw.ks vs. Ce.ltics game.

'We'll do it. We'll get married. I mean… If KB'll have me.' -1- looks over at KB whose mouth falls open as tears glisten her eyes.

Stacie hands Jameil $5 and a coupon to Chick'fil'a. Jameil gives her the kool aid smile and taunts with, 'I wooooooon. I woooooooooon. I woooooooooon.'

Don smiles and yells, 'Do it KB! You two are beautiful together!'

Diva rolls her eyes at Don and Niga officially loses any curiosity she had for him due to his eagerness to view a lesbian wedding thinking he probably fantasizes about joining in o.

'Are you sure you wanna marry me? I mean.. I have been known to be a brat.' KB searches -1-'s gaze for hesitation. She finds none.

'Yeah… but at the end of the day, you would be my brat and I really want that.' -1- leans in and kisses KB hungrily as Don rushes over to them.

'Can we move this along please. I'd really like to get to the alcohol and this romance shit is killin the buzz I had goin from my Corona.' Lea pipes up from her pew, surprising everyone since she had been sleeping soundly on Sojourn's shoulder for most of the wedding drama.

'Alright, then… let's do this.' James nods over to KB and -1- and walks back up to take his place at the center of the alter.

Everyone in the bridal and groom parties remain standing and Eb and Soum take a seat in one of the pews. Eb cuddles up with Soum, but her eyes betray her from time to time and she gazes longingly at the man who laid the pipe for her and caused her internal battle.

As James commenced the wedding… I looked around the room at all of the bloggers that I shared such an interesting day with….

Cannon, still drooling over Jersey, who had removed her sweater to better caress herself had me laughin. Roxy, Hadassah, Zephi, and Niga sitting like beautiful queens smiling softly and giggling when the 'groom' fumbled with the ruby red ring pop ring that Rashan and Diva ran and found on some corner store somewhere. Jameil counting the minutes until she could leave to cash in her coupon for some fil'a waffle fries while Stacie wonders about when it will be her turn. Jintu glancing over in my direction thinking of what could have been if I hadn't been so indecisive... until being pulled back to his current happiness of Queen's whispered poetic teases of what she will be doin later to him. Dessex, lookin so fresh in his newly graduated glory, giving his lady an air kiss to show his love, and Don smiling deeply at memories of moments spent in sticky sex. One Man laughin at Deja as she taunts him with a bottle of lotion, disturbin the romance just a little with her uncanny humor. Swag, lookin down at his phone to check the score of the game while textin his best friend, glances up every now and then to shoot me a quick smile before goin back to his world. 1980 places a hand around Britt, who gently pulls away and links arms instead, smiling politely. Char and Buttercup quietly slip out to go sit and talk about the sentence that she didn't quite finish and I smile at the potential of possibilities. And as I think of this, I look over at Charles whose gaze is locked on 1/3, who is completely unaware… and I chuckle knowingly. And as my eyes wander back to the alter and meet the sight of -1- kissing the bride, I cheer and laugh with one solitary thought running through my mind.

The reception is gonna be interesting….

I hope you guys enjoyed the fruits of my online labor. Look out for the next blog dialogue- The Reception...lol (but not right now... I need a break...ya'll wore me out...lol)